Author: Libby

I’ve Found My Why

Libby4 Comments

Anne Lamott released a new book recently and because of that, she’s doing tons of press. I love that because I love her–as you know if you’ve been reading this blog for more than a month. I like that I get to hear her on all of the podcasts. Sure, a lot of times you just end up hearing the same things over and over again. But that’s okay because sometimes we need to hear the same things over and over again. Things like the concept of shitty first drafts, the idea of taking everything bird by bird, reminding yourself that stepping on a scale is just like asking Dick Cheney to evaluate your moral worth. It’s important to remember that M&M’s and Goldfish crackers are a type of communion if the time is right.

IMG_3649.JPG

But the last time I heard an interview, she said something that struck me so hard. I’m paraphrasing, here, because I heard it while I was driving and even if I could have pulled over to write it down, I couldn’t have seen what I was writing on account of all the spontaneous happy/ terrified tears. She said, in essence, if you’re not writing what you’re afraid to write, you’re not really serving yourself or anyone else.

And I knew exactly what she was talking about because clearly she had crawled into my brain and seen the areas that we don’t touch at all. I think she was up there and found a corner full of dusty old things and said, “Oh, no. This will have to come out.” And then she ripped the dust cover off and let the light in and now there’s a whole bunch of unavoidable stuff inside of me that have stories that need to be told.

Last week I took a course in Instagram stories–learning how to better serve your community through the video feature on Instagram. You guys, I thought this was going to be like: post at these times of day, use hashtags, ask questions, build your audience numbers.
Nope.
No, it turned into a full-on soul search about who I am and what I do and why do I do it? And rather than focusing on building numbers it was about serving my existing audience–which is all I REALLY WANT TO DO! So, if you saw my Instagram story about it, you know. But if you didn’t, and I assume that most of you didn’t, let me give you a run down of the things that I discovered.

So, I started really blogging in January of 2016 because storytelling and connection is my passion. I want to be able to tell my story, sure, but I want to tell the stories of everyone around me, too. I live in the middle of Kansas–a state that doesn’t get that much coverage unless things are going wrong (ie: tornadoes, The Westboro Baptist Church is on the move, Sam Brownback…) but there’s a lot going really, really right here, too. I live in a community surrounded by the best people who are out in the world making shit happen. And maybe they’re doing it in a big way, like being elected to the house of representatives but also maybe they’re doing it in a small way, like educating their children in a way that fits their personalities. I love my community so much. I love my people.

I want my blog to mimic real life and for me that means talking about really basic everyday things like, “read anything good lately?” or “we went on vacation recently”. But another part of everyday life is getting down to the soul stuff. Like, “do you believe in God anymore?” and “what even is intersectionality?” There’s room in us to care about the pain being felt in Syria and the pain being felt two blocks down and also care about things like, “dinner needs to be on the table in 20 minutes and all I have is a big bag of carrots.”

I do what I’m doing because I think we’re stronger together. I think there’s a learning curve in everything and I want all of us to have a space for that. When you’re learning you’re often getting some stuff wrong. I’m often getting stuff wrong. But I’m willing to get stuff wrong with you guys in order to give you permission to fail a little bit, too. Failing is important. Struggle is not the sign of failure, it’s the sign of life.

IMG_3389.JPG

This is why community is important. I want us to have a community-vibe and a space for figuring things out. I feel like that’s building really well over on Instagram but we’ve got some discussion often happening on Facebook, too. Make sure to like my page and also double check to see that you’re notified when I post something so that you can get in on the conversations.  You’ve all been so wonderful and patient and gracious with me through this past year and this growing season. I want you to always feel welcome to reach out to me. Send an email (libby (at) xoxolib (dot) com) or a direct message or a comment and let me know what you’re up to, lately. What’s been on your mind?

In the next few days I’m going to be sharing one of those posts about things I’m afraid to talk about because you guys give me the courage to say scary things sometimes. Thanks for being awesome.

XOXO, Lib

The Handmaids Tale + April Virtual Book Club Selection

Libby, , , , 3 Comments

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you wonder if the universe is conspiring to keep you from doing something even though you don’t even believe in stuff like “the universe conspiring” but so much has gone wrong that there’s got to be more than coincidence at play? Was that just me just now? Okay, cool. Moving along.

Before February was even over, our Virtual Book Club had decided that Margaret Attwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale would be our book for March. At that time, I ordered the book from Amazon.com. At the time of this writing—March 28—it still has not arrived.

When I could tell that it was taking a really long time for the book to be delivered, I decided to check it out at the library only to find that it was being read by someone else. We didn’t have a copy at the book store where I work. I downloaded it on audiobook and the file wasn’t working. And so I decided that the good lord simply did not want me to be reading this book at this time and I accepted it. Other friends offered ideas for how I could get my hands on it but, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a really slow reader and knew I wouldn’t be able to get through it without feeling very stressed out. So I just decided I wouldn’t be able to read the book and write a review this month. And can I tell you a secret?

It felt really good. It felt really good to take this one thing off my plate this month.

That being said, I really want to read The Handmaid’s Tale. And hopefully I’ll get to read it when it comes in the mail but Hulu is releasing a series based on this book soon and I’m so stoked to watch it–I know I won’t be able to wait on that.

So since I wasn’t able to read it, all I know about this book I learned from the trailer and from the articles about how a lot of conservative people are angry about it because they think that it’s an attack on Trump’s America. This TV series was in development long before Donald Trump was even nominated to run for the presidency. This book was written in 1985, though, and I feel like if you’re seeing horrifying similarities between the society that exists in a 30 year old dystopian novel and a government that has your full support—maybe think a little bit more about what it is you are standing for. But hey, that’s just me.

IMG_0542

For the month of April we’re turning a corner and reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. This is one of those classic books that I’ve never read and I’m not sure I even know what it’s about at all. But it is cited as a favorite of so many people—I’m excited to give it a read!

Have you ever read either The Handmaid’s Tale or A Tree Grows in Brooklyn? What did you think? I, for one, am glad we’re reading older books. Left to my own devices, I tend towards exclusively contemporary fiction.

XOXO, Lib

Being Extra Efficient: Throwing A Low-Key, Super Fun Baby Shower

Libby, , , , Leave a comment

When you haven’t seen your sister for ten months, and then you have an opportunity to be together for a few days, you want to keep things low-key and also fully celebrational. Fully love by actively ignoring any stressy feels. When they pop up, tell them, “Hi. It’s good to see you but I’m a little busy right now. I’d love to meet up with you when I’m finished.” And in this you wait them out because stressy feels are very impatient and often run along to something else rather quickly.  You love the people that she loves, you always offer another cup of coffee, and you try not to be stingy with your time.

IMG_3182.JPG

When your sister, who you haven’t seen in ten months, is due to have a child soon, you throw her a party because as much as you celebrate this little guy, you want to offer the chance for others to ooh and ahh over his life, too. You want to make sure that you don’t get too plan-y about it the way you always do in a way that can tend to suck the fun out of it. You have to plan around your obsessive nature to over-plan about these things. It’s almost silly, right?

 

If I may toot my own horn just a tiny bit about the whole thing, I threw a lovely baby shower. Here’s the reason that I feel comfortable bragging on myself about it—it’s all a little tongue-in-cheek because I truly didn’t do much at all. That was the beauty of it all.

IMG_3196

Allow me to offer you insight on how to throw a low-stress party. Now, I can’t promise that this will always work for you the way it did for me but, you know, thoughts and prayers and the whole nine. There are three main steps that I created and followed when creating this event.

Find a location: Because most of the people that we were inviting to the shower were all from the same nearby town, I decided that I wouldn’t make anyone drive to my house for the event. Not having this in my home probably cut the stress levels by about 70%, to be honest.
One of the most gorgeous spaces in Hutchinson, KS is Bluebird Books on South Main Street and I knew they had a back room with chairs and tables that would make a super fun, come-and-go vibe. So this was the first place that I wanted to check out—numero uno on my list. I was willing to spend some money but I didn’t want to blow my whole budget on a location—after all, we would need decorations, food and presents, too! Well… without getting too brass tacks about it, suffice it to say that the room rental for what we needed was well below budget. Because of that, I decided to keep all of our business in the store. Not only did this keep things super easy on my end, but I got to use my dollars to support a very cool, local, woman owned business. Also, because this place is so beautifully designed and decorated, there was no way I could have possibly added decorations.

IMG_3201

There’s a café attached to Bluebird that we used to take care of our treats. We weren’t planning on too many people so we asked for two different things that didn’t involve any plates or forks—lemon bars (my personal favorite) and these luxe peanut butter brownie bars covered in chocolate. I also ordered coffee and water for everyone to drink. Melanie went above and beyond—she made up a lovely table for the treats and beverages and was super easy to work with.

Send out some low-key invitations: Look, low key doesn’t mean that they have to be lame. I discovered this very cool site called Paperless Press and I was able to send out the most gorgeous e-invitations! Because of the design that I chose, I did have to pay about $6 but you can easily send out some incredible invites completely free. This site is also great because it makes it easy to link a gift registry, manages your RSVP list, and lets guests leave comments on the wall. It also prompted you to send out and RSVP reminder if you wanted to. It was all around very helpful!

I don’t get paid for you clicking on that link or anything—I just really liked it. I’m sure that there are other places that send inexpensive e-vites, too. I have a friend who used Minted for her e-vites and has always had some really good ones.

IMG_3195

And thirdly and most importantly, do your very best to mind your own business: this is hard for me because I’m a natural born peacekeeper and a helper. I make everyone’s business my business and if someone isn’t having the time of their very life, I make that my responsibility. But it’s not my responsibility. If there’s guest drama. If someone wishes we had different snacks. If someone looks a little bit bored… these things are not me-problems. One of the greatest and most lasting things that therapy has taught me is that other people’s feelings are not my responsibility. So while peacekeeping and helping are my default states—those personality attributes can sometimes suck the fun out of events for me. Even events that I’m simply attending. I want everyone to have a full drink and not a care in the world. But I can really only help with half of that. Accepting this and laying down the idea of perfection in every area is key to not only enjoying yourself but putting out a calm-vibe to everyone else in attendance.

IMG_3198

 

Like I said, it was very simple and low-key but it still felt so, so special. I really believe that things can be easy and special at the same time. It takes just as much energy to craft an ordinary email as it does to enter in the details of a beautiful e-vite, for example. In the same way, it takes just as much effort to make a box of macaroni and cheese as it does to make rigatoni and pesto—it looks a little bit fancier, it feels a little more special, but it’s just as easy. This is something that I love to keep in mind when I want something to be exceptional but I don’t really have the time or energy to go nuts.

What are some areas where you make a point to act efficiently while still keeping things just a little extra?

XOXO, Lib

Ten Things

Libby4 Comments

I’m reading The Vegetarian. I’m only about 10 pages into it and it’s taking a minute to get used to the translation (it was originally published in Korean) but I’m excited to see where it leads. I haven’t read a horror book… maybe ever.

IMG_3358

I bought this dress to wear to a wedding next month and I’m so excited to wear it. Because eShakti is amazing and customizable, I switched up a few parts of it to make it perfect for me. Since I’ve been downsizing my closet so much lately, I realized I didn’t really have anything nice to wear to events like this so I let myself splurge on something that will lend itself to all sorts of different occasions. Hoping for a fancy date night! *fingers crossed*

I’m eating pineapple. It’s that time of year when I start to only want fruit. Pineapples, cherries, blackberries. I recently learned that pineapple is a berry. Or rather, a collection of berries–also called pineapples. It’s all very mind boggling.

I’m working up some watercolor paintings for sale. Right now I have a 4-Pack of small cards for sale for $10 each. All the money from these sales will go to the Salina Rescue Mission in Salina, KS to help to fund their Easter Dinner. Buying just one of these 4-packs will provide five people with a meal that day! They’re standard size to use as postcards or you can frame them and stick them around your house wherever you need a little extra oomph. Anyway–I have one 4-pack left. If you want it, let me know!

We’re in the middle of our HBO Now trial and I’ve become obsessed with Big Little Lies and also Crashing. BLL is  a super exciting, thriller of a television show with an impeccable cast. Crashing is a comedy that is so hilarious–I’ve laughed out loud so many times since starting this show. I relate so much to the character of Pete.

I’m looking for the perfect pair of tennis shoes to wear with shorts and dresses alike this summer. Also the perfect leather sandals. Thinking something like this and this but I need to save up. I’m trying to fill my home with ethical/ fair trade items and sometimes that comes with a little bit of an added cost–which I’m more than happy to pay. It just takes a little longer to get my hands on things.

I’m listening to this two-part series from RadioLab called “Shots Fired”. The subject of police brutality isn’t closed–and it won’t be anytime soon. This series takes a look at so many different aspects of the conversation from the Mothers of the Movement, to police training, to stories about times things went right and times things went wrong.

This recipe is on the docket for next week.Half Baked Harvest has become my latest favorite food blog. Since I started following, they have yet to post a recipe that I don’t want to make.

Still working on downsizing the house while we look for a one-bedroom apartment to move into soon. I just shipped off my first bag of clothes to sell at ThredUp. If you have all of the money collected from your clothes donated to a charity, you don’t have to pay for shipping!

Have you heard about Julia? I think this representation is going to be so important for kids.

What sorts of things are you up to? What are you watching, eating, listening to, buying, etc? I want to know!

XOXO, Lib

Save

Feeling Known

Libby, , , 6 Comments

The first time I encountered Anne Lamott, I was in college. I was living on campus during the summer but there were no classes so I was able to finally read for the joy of it all. I’d decided to pick up a copy of Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz because that’s what everyone was reading on Christian College Campuses in 2005. I was entering a phase where I had no more patience for Sunday School answers and stories that turned out to be analogies about God’s love for us. I wanted a story for the sake of the story. I wanted to hear about people’s real life without it turning into a lesson. In that way, Blue Like Jazz did not deliver for me. But I did like Miller’s writing style, so I kept with it. And I’m glad that I did because he introduced me to Annie. He quoted her within that book somewhere and I’m sorry to say this, Donald Miller, but it was the most true thing within those pages. I can’t remember the quote—just that I put the book down and went straight to the internet to look and see if she had any books for me to read.

“I woke up full of hate and fear the day before the most recent peace march in San Francisco. This was disappointing: I’d hoped to wake up feeling somewhere between Virginia Woolf and Wavy Gravy.” Anne Lamott

Initially I was bummed to see that Anne Lamott was an older Christian lady because all the experience that I’d had with older Christian ladies at that point was… not exactly progressive. Combined with the fact that two of her books were available in the library at my conservative school, I wondered if this one quote (and I don’t even remember what it said) would be all she had to offer me. But I checked out Traveling Mercies: Thoughts on Faith, and Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith anyway. And it unlocked something deep inside of me. If I’m not being clear, Anne is so much more than “an older Christian lady”. I mean, she is one of those too. But the image that conjures up is useless in describing her–much in the same way that basically any label isn’t a thorough descriptor of a person.

“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” Anne Lamott

At this point in my life I was comparing myself to the people around me and compared to them, I felt like the ultimate mess. Everyone that I knew at my school seemed to have all of their shit together. They seemed to have a plan. They were content and uncomplicated and they always had the right answers at exactly the right time. I couldn’t relate to this. I felt like a complete raging, complicated, ball of worry and confusion. Once, in a class called The Novel, we were reading The Bell Jar and I felt like I’d finally happened upon someone like me. Esther Greenwood understood the way I felt about myself and my experience among my peers. I was so excited to get to class and talk about the way that I loved and appreciated this character but before I could say anything everyone else described her as “troubled”, “scary”, “completely unrelatable”, and “sick”.

image82

I’m not sure I ever said anything out loud in class about The Bell Jar after that but I remember writing a paper about how I had related to her. It was completely off topic but it was all I could get out at the time. I would take a zero or I would write the only thing that was willing to be written. I wrote that it worried me because none of my classmates understood Esther the way that I did and it made me wonder if I’d end up with my head in an oven at one point, the way that Sylvia Plath did. My professor wrote a note on the back of my paper telling me that my honest struggle will serve me better in the long run and to not worry about having it all together at 21. Also he gave me a 100% even though I didn’t even write about the proposed topic at all.

So, finding a decent collection of Anne Lamott’s essays was a breath of fresh air. Her perspective on her life changed everything about my own. It was good to feel so “me, too” about someone who hadn’t gone on to kill herself. It was refreshing to see there were options and one of the options is to live a life with a zillion questions and barely any answers but a pocket full of coping mechanisms.

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.” Anne Lamott

Yesterday I was listening to a podcast featuring a conversation between Linda Siversten, Glennon Doyle Melton and Anne Lamott and I wanted to weep through the whole thing—not because they were saying anything particularly moving but just because I felt understood for the first time in a while. It’s a powerful, powerful thing when you can feel known without saying a word. It’s a feeling that “these people are my people”. Truth be told, Anne and Glennon are probably more Jesus-centric than I am but I still know that they would welcome me and love me and not ask me to explain myself. That’s really all anyone wants—to be accepted without explanation or expectation.

In that conversation, Anne said, “Left to my own devices I would be Steve Bannon: utterly paranoid and reckless with my hate. But thank sweet Jesus I’m not left to my own devices.” This is the kind of thing that makes me want to politely ask her to stop talking about me in ways that feature such identifying characteristics to a broad audience. But she’s right and I’m not left to my own devices. I’m in love and I’m in family and I’m in friendship with people who keep me grounded. I’m a citizen of this earth and my duty is to love and try not to be an asshole and this keeps me from grasping at all of my own straws.

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Anne Lamott

I don’t know how to end this but that’s okay because this really doesn’t end anyway.

XOXO, Lib