I didn’t read anything in August and that’s actually just fine by me. I’ve had a lot of other things on my mind. It’s been a busy month with a ton of travel and taking a few different courses for work. On top of that I’ve been adjusting to a new medication that had some side effects that were messing with my brains (but I’ve adjusted now and I’m feeling great btw). There was a time when I’d be so embarrassed to come to this space to say I didn’t read anything but I’m a new man.

When I started working at the bookstore that would eventually become mine (the one I sold exactly a year ago last week), one of the first things I noticed was how some people seem to carry pride or shame around their reading life. The proud ones were loud, rare, and super annoying. A lot more folks seemed embarrassed about what they had or hadn’t read or some other aspect of their relationship to books. It didn’t take long for me to make that my whole mission at the store: eliminate shame around reading.

I’m not saying there are just two types of readers. As with anything, there’s a whole spectrum. Still, more people walked in feeling like their reading life wasn’t good enough than I ever would have expected.

When I first took over the store, we were selling used books on Amazon. One of the first things I noticed was that we sold so many more romance mass market paperbacks online than we ever did in store. Once I sold and shipped a book to someone who lived in my town! Now, odds are they didn’t know where they were ordering from. But the point is that it felt like people were embarrassed of their love of romance (though there’s no way to know if that was the case). And that was the first thing that tipped me off to this dynamic.

Thankfully over the course of the past ten years, the landscape of the romance genre has completely changed. Now there are entire stores dedicated to romance–if you’re in Portland, OR check out my friend Katherine’s store Grand Gesture. Or if you’re closer to Kansas City, you need to check out Under The Cover.

But I started to see it in other places, too.

Most often it was from parents who used to be big readers but haven’t been able to finish anything longer than If You Give a Mouse a Cookie in the past decade. Dear Parents–you’re not failing at anything by being in a season of your life that requires every ounce of your body and brain for the caretaking and question-answering duties of young children. No one is judging you, no one blames you, and everyone just wants to bring you a blanket and a cup of tea.

Sometimes it was from the I’m-not-a-big-reader-but-my-wife-is type of guy. This fella is often loud and pretending to be too cool to read to cover up his insecurities about not being smart enough. I keep wondering if there will ever come a time when folks realize that we can tell they’re overcompensating for an insecurity when they make a big deal about how confident and fine they are. Anyway–not to sound like a sales expert or anything but these people were so easy to sell to. I let his wife go look for what she knows she likes. And then he and I get into a conversation about what he likes to watch on TV and from there my recommendations were so seamless. “Oh! You like Yellowstone? I think I read somewhere that the creators of that show used Lonesome Dove as a huge inspiration for that series. We never have a copy though because it’s always sold out. …Oh wow! Look! We DO have a copy today! I know you’re not much of a reader though, so I’m not trying to sell you on it. I am just surprised we had a copy. That’s wild.” And then they always say, “Well now let me take a look at that.” And when they’re at the checkout and his wife almost always says something along the lines of, “You’re buying a book?” And he looks so proud. And I love that.

I can’t tell you how many people used to sheepishly admit they were just comfort reading Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings again, like it was something to be embarrassed about. But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that! There are so many benefits from reading a familiar book over and over again. Every time you go back, you notice little details you missed before, and it ties you to who you were the first time you read it. Also, studies show that this is also a resilience building activity, which I think is so cool. Think about it. That feeling of “I’ve been here before and I know it ends okay” can actually help you feel braver facing the unknowns of real life over time. Sometimes it’s not about chasing a new book at all, it’s about finding comfort in the one that already feels like home. You’re no less of a reader just because you’re not reading something brand new every time.

I know there’s a lot of discourse around Harry Potter and whether or not it’s ethical to still read and talk about it. Here’s where I stand: if you love it, read the books you already have. Get them from friends or used bookstores or little free libraries. That way you get the joy of these books you love and none of the money goes into the pockets of the author. This is the one instance I wouldn’t recommend using the public library because the more people who check out those books, the more the library has to buy new. That being said, do go to the library to find new books that can help to scratch that itch for you and maybe will even become your new favorite! I recommend checking out the Legendborn series by Tracy Deonn, The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune, or obviously the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan.

Have you noticed shame around reading in your own life or in those of your loved ones? There are so many more types of book shame–I just had to stop myself at some point. I could write a whole series on that alone!