I do find it ironic that immediately upon starting my reading instagram account, I took a month off from reading at all. I don’t know what happened here–it’s like my brain said, “Hold ON! The books from February were just too good and I’m not ready to move on!”

Actually, that’s not true. I know exactly what happened. It’s that when I’m reading, it’s very tempting to look at my phone. I am constantly Googling while reading. I want to get a visual for what’s happening in the story. Like when the author says that the main character walked out in a stunning, backless, emerald green, high neck mini dress with blouson sleeves. And I’m like, “Wait… backless AND high-neck? And blouson sleeves? This sounds heinous. Give me a second.” And then this pops up and I’m like, “Ohhhh”. That’s very helpful to me.

But then after I Google the dress or the location of a story or a song that someone is singing in the book, then my thumb immediately hovers over Facebook or Instagram and I’m sucked back into the “real world” (is it?) where I’m hearing about the latest abhorrent thing someone in our administration has done.

My tension gets high and I start feeling knots in my stomach and I feel the need to share all the shit that is making me feel this way so that I’m not alone in feeling this way. But… GOD why would I want other people to feel this way?! I’m no one’s news source they don’t have to hear it from me. I recently started implementing a practice wherein if I must share information that sends me into a rage–I immediately share a video of something silly to balance it. So… for example, someone is making plans for war in a group chat instead of congress? Cool. Here’s that but also… here’s a video of a schnauzer in rain boots.

Anyway, last week I was falling back into old patterns of feeling bad for things that no one should ever feel bad for. Like, not reading “enough”? Or creating a bookstagram account and then not posting on it for a month. But, like, what’s the purpose of reading? To have fun. For me the whole point is to have fun. It’s fun when I do it! It’s not fun when I give myself homework.
Why did I create that account? Was it to be a consistency queen or get a certain number of followers? No, it was so that I could have a space to post on my grid about what I was reading and to have another place to scroll (when I must scroll) that doesn’t have an algorithm filled with weight loss ads and Elon Musk’s face. So, honestly, on both fronts I’m winning.

Yesterday I was zoning out, scrolling for my allotted 15 minutes at a time on Instagram and I happened upon Elsie Larson’s IG stories. She talked about how during her social media break she finished writing her first novel. Someone asked her, “When will your book be released?” And she said something along the lines of, “I’m not sure it’ll ever be released. That’s not necessarily why I wrote it.” And the way I put my phone down for a second and had to talk to myself about it.

I responded and was honestly shocked that she wrote me back. I’m always astonished when people who have a billion followers respond to my messages. The world is wild. But this is it exactly. This is the energy I want to build into my 4th decade on this planet. I’m no longer doing things because I want to find success in it. I’m doing shit because I want to find enjoyment in it. And that’s it. That’s what it’s all about for me.

Anyway–sprinkled throughout this post are photos of things that I found enjoyment in this month that weren’t reading:
-Finishing Severance and then finally allowing myself to indulge in all the silly fan theories and memes.
-Happening upon a mural that reminded me of my best friend’s kid.
-This Christmas Cactus that my dear friend gave to me and when she did I was like, “Oof this is not going to survive me.” But look at her thriving!
-Taking makeup-free selfies.
-Endless video calls with Kinzie as we continue to build out our second round of the Empowerment Experience (which will start on April 8 and I can’t be more thrilled).
-Sitting on the porch in our new patio furniture while Nala fixates on a spot where she one time saw a baby snake.

Not pictured:
-Endless hours of me playing The Sims 4 and recreating my favorite TV characters homes (most recently Carrie Bradshaw moved to town and she’s struggling as a freelance writer and looking for love).
–This YouTube account which follows a delightful man who, in the midst of burnout and grief, bought a cottage in the Scottish countryside and is working (pretty much alone and with relatively basic skills) to fix it up and make his life more beautiful. I feel so proud of him and it makes me want to find and add more beauty to my own life.
-Dates with Ryan. This month I took him on a surprise date. We only went to the movies (we saw Micky 17 which I found deeply hilarious and excellent–much to my surprise) but the fact that I wouldn’t tell him anything about what we were doing was actually more fun than anything we could have done. Well, that and the fact that we blew the budget we were going to use on dinner at the concession stand.

Where are you finding enjoyment these days?