Happy Fathers Day to all the great dads in my life! You are the people who make me excited about the direction that the next generations are heading.

I interviewed both moms and dads about some of the joys of parenthood for this short two-parter. Head over here to read the interviews that I did with mothers in Part 1. Today’s post is going to focus on the answers from a few dads that I know. I think that a lot of times, we hear mostly from the motherhood perspective–or articles are directed more towards mothers about the issues facing parenting but I wanted to make sure that some of the cool dads in my life got to have their stories heard as well.

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Let’s get into it!

What’s your first name and what ages are your kids?
Zach: 8, 6, 5
Jason: 3, 2
Mike: 2, 6 months

When was one of the first times you really felt like a parent?
This is such a tough answer to pinpoint. I think one of the first times I felt like a parent was right after our first child was born. I remember right after he was born – still being in the hospital, and I remember having all of these new kinds of emotions that I didn’t really know how to gauge/control. I was convinced that every nurse was torturing my newborn son every time they checked on him. I remember looking at this tiny little life, and realizing that his survival was dependent on me. –Zach

When I caught Emmy when she was born. –Jason

It happened almost instantly for me. My son was born in Lyons in the middle of Winter, and on the drive home with him I couldn’t relax. I kept worrying about road conditions and was constantly checking on him in my rear-view mirror. I couldn’t believe how much everything had changed so suddenly. –Mike

What is it that makes you a good parent?
Perhaps it is my fear that I’m NOT a good parent, that makes me a good parent. (Did you follow that?) – When my kids have a bad morning before I take them to school, I worry that me snapping at them in frustration is going to cause them years of therapy later in life. In all honestly, we all have these kinds of mornings (our family has lots) – and I’m probably not emotionally scarring my children. And so maybe it’s my sensitivity to this that makes me a good parent. I’m afraid that I am completely sucking at this parenting thing, and that might actually make me a good parent. A crappy parent wouldn’t care, right?
I tell my kids (daily) that I love them. I do my best to be fully present when I’m with them I do my best to help them start their day with positive thoughts and feelings (every morning as they walk into school, I tell them, “Remember, your name is ____ and you can do this.”) Every night at bed, we talk about the day. I ask them each: “What’s the best thing that happened today?” and “Are there any mistakes you made today?” (and I answer these questions too) – we pray together, and I kiss them goodnight. –Zach

I’m pretty patient with the girls. –Jason

For me, it all starts with being on a good team. My wife and I share the same values and goals for our family. I also have great parents, who also happen to be amazing grandparents, our family has proven to be a dedicated support system for us. That said, I’ve wanted to do this my whole life and I’m excited to be a father. I enjoy it. I’m often the dad at the party that’s off talking with the kids, watching them play, while the other parents hangout. My son is old enough to understand that he’s my number one priority all of the time. My kids will never sit around in a dirty diaper, because I’m tired of changing them, or get into a dangerous situation because they’re being ignored. I strive to always be mindful of their safety and well being. I love them so much. –Mike

What’s one thing you hope your kids remember about you when they’re adults?
I want them to remember that I was around and invested in their lives. That I love them deeply, and that there’s nothing they could ever do that would make me love them less – and that it’s my faith in Jesus that grounds me in these things. –Zach

I hope they remember how much I loved them. –Jason

This is hard to answer because my son has just reached the age where he’s forming “memories”. Hopefully, they remember we’ve always been best buddies and I was there for them whenever I could be.
I also hope they remember that I love their mother, and we always treated each other with respect. –Mike

What do you really like about your kids?
I love my son’s creativity. He’s always drawing pictures and making up “what if” scenarios. I love how he is completely enthralled with whatever his latest obsession is. He turned his own room into the “Bat-Cave” using masking tape and construction paper. And most recently he’s been wandering around our house with a stick, waving it at things and yelling “Wingardium Leviosa” Our middle daughter is passionate and fiery and determined. Strong-willed doesn’t even begin to describe her. Our prayer is that while this personality trait can be extremely frustrating when you’re working with a 6-year-old, it can also be a huge blessing and serve her well in the future. I like that in addition to this, she is soft and tender. She is a collector of trinkets, and could perhaps end up on a episode of “Hoarders” in the future. I love her dearly, and wouldn’t change a thing. Our youngest daughter might be one of the funniest people I know. I like that she is happiest when “snuggling” – She has entire conversations with me where I only really understand a fraction of what she’s saying. She has no concept of time – she will talk of an event that happened months ago, and use the word “yesterday”. She also confuses hot and cold, “Daddy, last night I was cold, so I took off my blanket.” –Zach

I love their creativity and independence. –Jason

There are so many things! I love the way Rooster gets all serious when we’re discussing things that make loud noises. …he laughs his ass off when he watches The Three Little Pigs and thinks the Big Bad Wolf is so cool. …he sings songs when he’s in his room by himself. …he has a special bounce in his walk when he’s in a really good mood. …he is obsessed with my record collection and stereo, and has a collection of his own that he’s very proud of. …he has a baby doll named Ako that he gives me updates on and pretends to nurse him. …he always wants to help me in the kitchen, doing the dishes or cooking. …he always calls me Mike, never dad or daddy.
After a long day at work, I love the way Wren bounces up and down when she sees me. I love how she looks just like her momma when she’s asleep. …she scrunches up her nose when she smiles or laughs. …she sings along to the radio with sweet little shrieks. …her eyes. ….just everything. –Mike

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Thanks to all the dads who let me ask them these difficult to answer questions. And thanks, to you, for reading!

If you have kids, pick a question and answer it in the comments! I loved reading all these responses. If you don’t have kids, ask someone who does. It’s such an exciting thing to learn about your friends.

XOXO, Lib

PS: Shortly after I concluded all of these parenting interviews, my sister and her partner became parents to my newest nephew! Welcome to the world, Leo Charles Marshall! He was born on June 13 and he’s awesome and chill and I can’t wait to hold him in my arms. Leo also has a big brother, Owen, who is six years old.
I decided to ask Sarah and Michael my favorite question from this round up:
What’s one thing you hope your kids remember about you when they’re adults?

Michael says he wants his son to remember that he was consistently there for him since day one.
Sarah says, “I want my sons to remember that I always valued them as they are (warts and all) and never pushed them to be anyone they weren’t.”

Remember a few months ago when you all were so gracious and took a survey to tell me what you’re interested in reading about? Well, overwhelmingly, so many of you asked for posts about parenting. And for the longest time, I’ve just been ignoring that because I’m not a parent and so there’s not much that I can mention about that.

But I know some of the coolest parents and it’s not fair to keep them all to myself. Plus, I think that it’s important to hear lots of different perspectives.

So, for this first go-round I decided to ask some of the best people I know what they think about parenting. A lot of the parenting articles I see going around focus around how to deal with the hard parts of parenting–which, I would assume, is absolutely crucial. Parenting seems really challenging and you need tips and tricks and “you can do its” to get through the day sometimes. But for this post I just wanted to focus on the sweet, beautiful parts of parenthood. Because it’s important to direct our attention to the glorious parts of life, from time to time. And hopefully it’ll give you some things to think about in your family! Start conversations with your partners and friends about these things. I have absolutely adored hearing these stories from my friends.

I interviewed both moms and dads. This post is going to focus on the answers from those who identify as moms and, since Fathers Day is coming up, I’ll post the second part–the dad answers, this weekend. Sound good to you? I’m excited!

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Let’s get into it!

What’s your first name and what ages are your kids?
Jes: 16, 9, and 5.
Jamie: 2, 4, and 7
Danielle: 6 months
Kellory: 8, 4, and 2
Miriam: 2 months

When was one of the first times you really felt like a parent?
I first felt like a parent when I took my oldest in my arms as a newborn, held my 2 year old step-son and cried with disbelief at planes crashing into buildings in 2001. I felt so helpless to protect them but determined to do it, and that’s what I think parenting is for me. –Jes

When they sent me home from the hospital with my first born and I was suddenly responsible for meeting every physical and emotional need of another human being. Also, the fact that I was so madly in love with and protective of this person I’d only known a few hours. –Jamie

Good question. I still don’t really feel like “a mom”… more like a person who the universe has entrusted with this baby. But I think the first time might have been when I was changing a massive blowout in the backseat of my car. It was pouring rain, I had 3 wipes left, and zero room for error. –Danielle

I think the first time I felt like a parent was my daughter (and first child’s) first day of preschool. I went back to the preschool to pick her up half an hour early because I was so anxious to see her and hear how her day was. I texted my husband in the parking lot, “I’m the first mom in the pick up line…”. He texted me back, “You’re the best mom in the pick up line.” –Kellory

I’ll let you know when that hits. There is this crazy, desperate, overwhelming love I have for him, but on our first night together, around three am, I remember thinking, “Gee, I hope his parents come get him soon, I’m too tired for this.” Then I realized no one was coming. Me. I’m the parent. So, maybe that was the closest I’ve come… Also, when I’m at work, sometimes instinct and hormones overwhelm my body and I feel a panic rise, because my baby needs me. He needs to eat. It’s been too long, how can he eat if I’m not there? Because your instincts come from a time before pumping and freezing breast milk was a thing. –Miriam

What is it that makes you a good parent?
Tricky question – I’ve never really felt like a “good parent” because I got pregnant at 17 (in a deeply fundamental house) and it was “get married or go to a home for unwed mothers” (I wish I was exaggerating) and that mentality and feeling of inadequacy has persisted. I think what makes me a good parent is accepting that this exists and deciding to do it anyway. I’m not maternal, this is a difficult role for me, but it’s one that I need to do and they didn’t ask for me as a mom so I will do my best. –Jes

Selflessness. Being willing to put their needs before my own and doing what it takes to make sure they are healthy, in every sense of the word. –Jamie

I honestly just feel like I’m trying to survive. Being a good parent is next level s***. But I think the thing I try to remind myself is that the time goes by so quickly, so I try to enjoy every moment with Ollie that I can get. Putting the phone down, letting the dishes wait, and truly engaging with him is the most important thing. And that’s hard. –Danielle

I think one thing that makes me a good parent is that I apologize. I want my kids to know that I’m human, and I’m still learning and growing, too and I will make mistakes. It’s important to me to show them how to fail gracefully and that in family relationships, we fess up to our low points and love each other through it all anyway. I want them to grow into adults that admit when they’re wrong and accept when other people are wrong. –Kellory

Gosh, I don’t know that I am yet. I hope to be. But so far communication, support, and practice. –Miriam

What’s one thing you hope your kids remember about you when they’re adults?
That we were able to change and grow and become who we felt like we are–at any given time. That we never showed them a “static” version of what a family or human has to be and do, and they have the space and strength to always strive to be their best selves. That we were wrong sometimes and changed and we were right sometimes and held firm. –Jes

That I was human and made mistakes, but that I tried to make their lives full and happy and showed by example how they should handle life and the people around them. –Jamie

I hope we can create a lot of experiences for him. Travel, culture, exposure to the world. I would love for him to have an open mind and curious spirit, and I hope he can appreciate how we try to nurture that. –Danielle

I hope my kids remember that I was silly. There is no shortage of goofing off in this home, and I hope they all get together and laugh about it someday. One of my favorite quotes about parenting is from Roald Dahl, ” A stodgy parent is no fun at all! What a child wants-and deserves-is a parent who is sparky!” –Kellory

Unconditional love, unconditional support, and being there and involved. Even when we’re busy. I hope. –Miriam

What do you really like about your kids?
They are not perfect. Sometimes they’re selfish little jerkwads–just like me! They feel safe to be themselves and regularly do so whether I prefer it or not, and I love that about them, even when it’s frustrating. –Jes

I love that they each have their own unique personalities and preferences and I can relate to different things in each of them, yet they also teach me things I don’t understand or can’t relate to. I love watching them take in new things each day and just how innocent and ready they are to embrace all the little things in life. –Jamie

His laugh and smile is contagious. We joke that we aren’t sure how we got a happy kid because both my husband and I are sarcastic and cynical to an extreme. I hope he is always easy going and happy, and I hope he can change us into happier people, too. –Danielle

Collectively, I like that my kids watch out for each other. I think they know each other really well and they sort of know what to expect from one another. They’re each very funny, too, in their own ways. I like how honest they are and what kinds of conversations that stirs up, and sometimes the humor and the honesty combine and things get really fun! –Kellory

His smiles. The way he tries so hard to have smiles and be happy even when he’s hurting or tired or sad. He’s only two months and he already inspires me to be better. He wakes up with a smile on his little face. When was the last time I did that? Also the way he reaches for us. He constantly has a hand searching to hold yours. Melts me. –Miriam

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Thanks to all the moms who let me ask them these difficult to answer questions. And thanks, to you, for reading!
If you have kids, pick a question and answer it in the comments! I loved reading all these responses. If you don’t have kids, ask someone who does. It’s such an exciting thing to learn about your friends.

XOXO, Lib

Early this week I went on my Instagram Stories to talk about the moving plan that I had created for Ryan and I. It is an actual, physical chart that I drew up in order to keep track of what needs to get done and what can wait. I can get overwhelmed with the enormity of a large task (moving an entire house of things) and can do so much better when I break it down into hundreds of tiny, totally doable chunks (decide what stays and what goes from this one bookshelf, today).

Anyway, I put off sharing this chart even though it felt like it would help a lot of other people who are moving, too. And then right after I posted, I was overcome with this very familiar self-talk conversation wherein I remind myself of all of the things that I have started and quit over the years. “You know you’re not even going to actually follow this plan. You’re just going to do what you always to and start this thing but never actually follow through with it.” And it’s so little but if I don’t nip it in the bud, I’ll go down a rabbit-hole of all the things I’ve started and abandoned in my life. There are a lot of them. I’ve stopped and started so many things—far more than I can remember (unless I’m in a pit of despair, then I can remember all of them in explicit detail).

“Winners never quit and quitters never win” is one of those things that gets said so often that we end up accepting it without even thinking about it.

But think about the last time you did something that you wanted to quit and could have quit but didn’t—tell me honestly, did you ever feel like you were a “winner” at the end of it?

Like, if we’re thinking of it in terms of a race, the winner isn’t someone who just didn’t quit. That’s, literally, everyone else. People don’t become winners just by fulfilling obligations. Well, maybe they do. If everyone else is doing the same thing. That would be a fun race to watch, actually. Everyone just rolling their eyes and dragging their feet while doing the barest of minimums.

Look, life is long and almost nothing is going to last forever. So whether it’s The Goldfinch that you can’t bring yourself to finish, your Master’s Degree that isn’t really calling your name once you actually got into it, that friendship that’s requiring far more of you than you’re able to give–it’s okay to put it down. If you need permission, here’s your permission: put down what’s not working for you anymore. It has no bearing on your worth or value. It doesn’t say anything about you except that you try things and you’re paying attention.

Until about a year and a half ago, I found myself totally paralyzed by this narrative that I believed about myself—that I was flakey or unreliable. That I was a quitter.

I have a personality trait that causes me to shout my intentions from the rooftops but then my follow though never really lives up. I can think of three series that I said I was going to start on this blog alone that I’ve never followed up on! I’m also the kind of person who has a lot of ideas.
I always feel like if I tell about my idea, then I’ll have to follow through with it because of the potential for public shame if it doesn’t actually come to fruition. But in real life, shame has never motivated me to be a better version of myself. And in addition to that, I once heard about a study that was done on this subject. The results found that most people are less likely to follow through on plans and ideas if they’ve told a lot of people about it beforehand. Apparently the idea is that talking about it kind of triggers a part of your brain that makes it feel like you’ve actually done the thing. Now, I don’t have any data to show you about that, you’ll just have to take my word for it that I heard it from a reputable source but it’s also, like, three-fold hearsay at this point. So… do with that information what you will. But regardless, it makes sense to me! Maybe that’s why after I talk about an idea, I tend to drop it…

Unless it sets up camp in my brain. Certain things have done that and I’ve stuck with them and that’s what it comes down to. This blog, for example. The Virtual Book Club. My marriage. Owning a dog. Last month, when I decided to sell all those paintings to help raise money for Safe Hope (I really didn’t think that was something I was going to follow through on). That’s just a few. That’s enough.

So if you’re like me and you’ve been telling yourself or you’ve been believing when others tell you that you’re flakey or you’re a quitter, don’t forget to remember all the things you’re sticking to. Make a list. An actual list. And reference it regularly.

PS! I’m still on schedule with my moving plan and that feels really good.

What have you quit?

XOXO, Lib