Quite simply, what are you good at? All of us have particular strengths- what are yours? This week, talk about these talents, big or small. Ideas: discuss how you use these things in your daily life or job, how you discovered a knack for this or that, perhaps even touch on whether or not you are passionate about the things you’re good at.

If I’m being honest, it’s really hard to write this without prefacing with all of the things that I’m not very good at. And isn’t that just ridiculous? I’m making a point to not put any of those things down. I feel like the list of the things that I’m good at are so random and bizarre and don’t make a lot of sense–so I was self conscious about writing this one. But then I happened upon this quote on Pinterest and it made me feel a lot better about it.

 

A more thorough blogger might google Fabienne Fredrickson to see if she’s real and the kind of person that I want to promote on my blog but meh. I probably won’t do that. It’s cool. It’s my space. We’re all fine.

Anyway, I’m good at giving back rubs. I’m good at keeping our groceries and weekly menu organized. I’m good at reminding my friends to be gracious with themselves. I’m not allowing any “buts”, so we’re just ending this paragraph right here.

As it turns out, these aren’t really all that unrelated or random. I think I’m good at taking care of other people. That’s true.

I give Ryan good back rubs by saying to myself, “what would feel good to me?” And then I press my way up his spine and around his shoulder blades and neck muscles and offer as many back scratches as requested. I think he likes it. I’d like it if the roles were reversed.

I was never really excellent about planning out food and meals when I was a single person. Mostly I went to the store and bought potato chips, cottage cheese, and baby carrots. And then when this gentleman moved in and started going halfsies on the groceries, I thought we better get that ish organized out of respect for his financial contributions and need for well-balanced meals. I’m really proud of that, too. It makes me feel like a woman who’s got her whole life together (even if it’s just one little slice of my whole life). I sit down on Sunday morning with my perfect notebook and my cup of favorite coffee and (with the help of my pinterest board) I make a list of a few meals that we might like to have later that week. Yadda yadda yadda, it all comes together. (I’ve thought about writing a post about my method of meal planning but I can’t decide if it’s a terribly boring topic or not.)

I think that while I might not be passionate about back rubs or meal planning–I am passionate about making my loved ones aware of the love and respect and admiration I have for them. Love from me is feeding you and love from me is touching you and love from me is reminding you to be good to yourself.

What are you good at?
Is meal planning boring?
Isn’t this all a little boring, anyway?

xoxo, Lib

I’ve been following Sometimes Sweet for a few weeks, now, and it’s a little part of the internet that I like a lot. Danielle comes up with “journal prompts” where she asks her readers to write about a specific subject.

Similarly, I’ve been wanting to write on my blog but I just wasn’t feeling inspiration hit or anything. I’ve been wanting to write on Danielle’s prompts, but what else? Not feeling inspired, I’ve just ignored it. This morning, I happened upon this quote by Anne Lamott in which she said, “Don’t wait for inspiration to hit. Inspiration has not been much use to me over the years.” Of course that makes sense.

So, we’re off. Maybe you’ll want to fill me in on your thoughts on the prompt, too! I hope so.

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How would you say your upbringing or background has shaped your idea of beauty? Were you taught to apply makeup or do you hair by your mother or friends? If not, where did you observe what is now your norm as far as beauty practices? And although most of us have been inundated by different cultural beauty “norms” via the media, would you say that television and magazines have had a strong impact on shaping what you think of as beautiful? This week, write about your idea of beauty- how your background has shaped it and what that means for you today.

It’s funny because this is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, actually. What sort of idea of beauty was instilled in me as a child? I don’t really know.

Of course, the first beautiful woman that you ever know is your mother. It feels like for most of my youngest years, my mom was the person who set the standard and everything about physical beauty was held up against her. This was the woman that I was to become, right? And then you see the diet pills and the way that she never really eats much and the way that her weight always seemed to fluctuate drastically. I think that once I learned that my mother wasn’t pretty (at least according to her but she was also the smartest person I knew, too), I learned that I wasn’t ever going to be pretty, either. And it wasn’t something that I grieved or anything. It was just a fact. I’m not a beautiful person and that is how it is. Some people are pretty and some people are not. That’s fine.

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine became the new, most beautiful woman I knew. She was a few years older than me and she really was so pretty. She was so tall and strong and I really admired that. Once, I saw her in a swimsuit and she had these fabulous hips and a little bit of a tummy. I always admired her and loved her. She’d always tell me that I was so beautiful. Of course, I knew she was just being nice and so I never gave that much thought. After a few years of admiring her for her strength and grace and beauty, she admitted to me that she’d been struggling with an eating disorder for years and years. I thought about it for a minute, replaying all those times that we hung out and she ate and ate and I thought we were having so much fun but she wasn’t. And that’s why she always told me how beautiful I was–so that I wouldn’t do what she’d been doing. And I thought, in that instant, maybe she really meant it this whole time. Maybe she believes that I’m beautiful. Maybe, probably. Nothing is beautiful. If she isn’t, and I’m not, and my mom isn’t. Maybe no one is. Maybe?
She’s still one of the most beautiful women that I know in real life. She’s still strong and graceful and smart and has used her body to create beautiful children and care for them. That’s a lot of beautiful.
Maybe its not that no one is beautiful. Maybe it’s just that no one has any idea. That is more believable.

I think that since I never thought that being a pretty girl was even remotely within the realm of possibility for me, it really did kind of protect me from a lot of things. It sounds sad, of course, but because of that I never looked at the girl in the magazines and thought, “if only I did ___, then maybe I could look like her.” It wasn’t that I had a healthy view of myself at all. It’s just that my idea of myself was so off the mark that I just knew there was no help for me. I was an ogre and I had no business looking in magazines or talking to boys or working hard in life. Because I just wasn’t the kind of person who got to dress pretty or have a boyfriend or nice things. I just wasn’t that person–and I accepted that. But I really shouldn’t have. Because I am beautiful. And I don’t know when or how I learned that but it’s true.

And all of my friends are beautiful, too. Everyone is so beautiful. I don’t know what I believed about beauty when I was younger (only that it did not describe me), but I know what it is to me, now. And now, I think that intelligent women are beautiful. I think that men who work with their hands are beautiful. Kids who laugh at everything and ask questions are beautiful. The old people that I see at my work, who have lived through the better part of a century and are happy to get up in the morning are beautiful. I think that people who forgive are beautiful and people who try hard are beautiful. I think that I’m beautiful when I sink into a yoga pose and kind of lose myself in meditation. I think my boyfriend is beautiful when he crawls under my car in the driveway before I take off on a long drive by myself. I think that my friend Katie is beautiful when she asserts herself. I think that Jamie is beautiful when her face is all scrunched up because the baby inside of her is preparing to make her way out. I think that The Boys are beautiful when they’re playing songs that they wrote with their minds and their hands and their ears and their instruments. I think my sister is beautiful when she talks about her family.
I don’t mean that it is beautiful to be kind or to forgive (though it is). I mean that when you are kind or when you forgive, it makes you beautiful. My friends–we are actually beautiful and it’s because we are humans. And I like that a lot. 

xoxo, Lib

I went to school at a small religious college that was chock full of various on-campus “ministries”. There was the Grease Monkey Ministry–a group of guys who would try to fix your car for free. There was the… I don’t know exactly what they were called but this group of fellows would run around to all of the dorms, up and down the halls, and pick up your garbage. There were other ministries but let me tell you about my favorite. 

It was developed by my younger sister during the year that she went to MNU with me. I remember when my sister told me that she was going to come to my college and I was so put out by it. I even told her something along the lines of, “Look, don’t expect me to hang out with you or anything, I have my own friends.” And it didn’t take long before I was the one following her around and snatching up all of her friends. Seriously, though, most of my college friends that I keep most in contact with, were Sarah’s friends, first. She’s so good at making friends. And she’s so good at taking care of people. And she’s so good at just being the cool girl in the room without even trying. 

At MNU, Sarah developed the Ugly Cake Ministry. She was the only one on the ministry team and it wasn’t widely known or anything but it existed nonetheless. The premise was this: if someone that you know is having a hard time, a rough day, a terrible semester, let us know and we’ll make them an Ugly Cake. Why an ugly cake? Why not a beautiful cake? Because, well, for a lot of reasons. First of all, it’s a lot easier to make an ugly cake than a beautiful one. But secondly, with an ugly cake you feel free to do whatever you want with it. Want to eat it? Great. Want to catapult it across a parking lot? Awesome. Want to grab fistfulls of it and get into a cake fight? Absolutely. And you don’t feel bad about ruining a beautiful cake. It’s an ugly cake. It has so many uses.

And this memory just reminds me of the gorgeous, sweet, heart that lives inside of my sister. She’s the life of the party and she has such a loving soul. The way that she communicates with her children will just blow your mind. The way that she loves and clings to her family through really rough times and really calm times, it’s inspiring. The way she takes care of other people. The way that she buckles down and just takes care of business when it needs to be taken care of. The way that she exercises gratitude as though it’s easy. I just love her and I wish that you could all know her. 

That’s all. I just wanted to tell you about my sister’s sweet heart. 

XOXO, Lib. 

My bedroom has been a mess my whole life. I was that kid who had such a filthy room that you couldn’t see the floor. I was always making messes and never cleaning up after them. I would kick and scream and fight about cleaning my room because I didn’t want to do it. And then once I got strong-armed into it, it would take hour upon miserable hour. Because in picking up stuff, I’d find things that would remind me of other things. I’d get so side tracked so easily. But at the end of the day, even though it took fire and brimstone to get me to clean my room, I loved it. I relished in it. It made me so happy! I’d never want to leave my clean bedroom and, of course, I would vow that this was a turning point! From now on, I’ll put everything away in its designated space and I’d finally be the girl with a clean room. But, no. Laundry would eventually get piled, dust would accumulate, papers would get strewn about. And we’d be right back where we started.

Fast forward fifteen years… yeah, we’re still in that same holding pattern. I thought, for sure, that when Ryan moved in it would be so easy to keep the bedroom clean because of, I don’t know, shame or something? But, alas, it’s actually more difficult on account of the lack of space for items and things.
Ever since August began, I’ve spent every weekend saying “I think we should really clean the bedroom this weekend.” And has it ever gotten done? No, it absolutely has not at all gotten done. But this weekend, my friends. This weekend, this happened:

 As I was doing all of the laundry and bemoaning the lack of space, I decided it’s high time to just get rid of stuff. I have so many articles of clothing  where, like, the shirt is too short but it’s a pretty color. Or it has a hole in it but you can’t see it if you pair it with this and if you never raise your arms. You see what I’m saying? Since we’ve been binge watching What Not To Wear on Netflix, I was in a proper mindset to get rid of anything that I don’t love or don’t wear. And I did! I packed two big bags full of relatively decent clothes to take to Save and Share! Those items will, very soon, no longer be just a big, wasteful pile. And that makes me feel really good. However, in getting rid of some things, you do have to replace some things. So I’ve started keeping a list. Much like a grocery list, of the things that I NEED to add to my wardrobe. For example, I have one really well fitting pair of black pants for work. And on Friday I noticed a hole. Also the hem has fallen out twice and it’s starting to really get to me. It’s time to get some nice work pants! So they’re on the list. Also, I need new jammies if anyone wants to make a donation.

My dear friend Alyssa got me this Komplement scarf organizer from Ikea last Christmas. I’m not going to say that it’s the coolest looking thing but I will say that it’s the coolest functioning thing that I own. And if you feel so inclined and are particularly crafty, I really bet you could make your own with relative ease. When this thing is filled, it means that I don’t have 28 scarves all over my house. And they’re all right there in my face and I can decide if I’m having more of a pink paisley kind of a day or a buffalo plaid kind of day.

Also, please note the usage of my mirror as a way to store my slouchy hats. I tell you, that just made my day. Something about it is downright hilarious to me.

That same Alyssa, was the one who taught me that a pile of stuff is not a pile of stuff if it is in a basket. And I took that idea and ran with it. I put a pile of stuff on a cake stand because it’s cuter and keeps things off of the dresser. Ish. Everything is still piled up and it’s still on the dresser but doesn’t it look intentional? And as far as I’m concerned, for now, that’s really all I require. One day I’ll have the space and energy to actually do something with the bedroom (maybe it will have to wait for us to live in a different house, first). But today is not that day. Today is making due with what you have.

 Yes, this bed is made. What did I just say about making due with what you have? Anyway. The bed is no longer covered in laundry. The floor is no longer covered in laundry. In fact, there’s not a stitch of my dirty laundry anywhere in this entire house. I did ALL of my laundry this weekend. That hasn’t happened in years (I’m not exaggerating).

And now I’m back to the idea that this space is beautiful and I feel pretty good in it and I’m going to keep it clean forever and ever… I really hope.

Any tips on sticking with it? I’d appreciate your input on the matter.

XOXO,
lib

I might be the only one, it seems, who is not impressed or blindsided by the arrival of 2014. It was very easy for my to transition to using the date and it really doesn’t feel much like anything is new. Not to me, anyway. I know that everyone says that they’re not really one for New Years Resolutions. Everyone says that. Right before they say, “but I would like to drop a few pounds this year.” So… I mean. Semantics. Anyway!

But I will say that there’s a general vibe around these parts. Maybe it is the start of the new year? Maybe it is just the way that the holidays happened and, interfering with my work schedule, just kept throwing me off my routine. Like catching your footing on a boat in a storm–I would imagine. I’m way too much of a scardey cat to actually put myself into that sort of a situation. Right when I thought, “Okay… now I’ve got it–” and then the calendar busts in with “hold on a second! Nope. Here are two more days off in the freaking middle of the week. Sorry about that.” But now that’s all over and it feels good just to know that things are going to find their way into something normal. That’s a relief to me.

So this is the part where I get to be a little bit arguably hypocritical. Kind of? You can decide, I’m going to just move on ahead. Like I said, I’m not really one for “resolutions” but I do have to say that there are a few themes that just keep popping up. And they popped up last year, too. But this year, I feel like I can just tell that things are going to get dealt with. Note the difference, I’m not resolving to deal with these things–they’re mostly happening to me. I’m not sure that I could stop them if I wanted to. But I don’t really want to because a few years ago, I resolved to start saying “yes” more.
*Also, last year I resolved to re-start my blog and only write when I really, really wanted to and not just because I felt pressured to. And I have to say that I like how this little blog-space has shaped up. There aren’t that many posts but I like what we’ve got here. I’ve still written about twice a month for the past year and I feel really good about it. I like this space. It’s comforting to me–I hope it is for you, too.

Minimizing is one theme that I keep running into. Wanting to downgrade the stuff in my life. Wanting to make everything I do to be as efficient as possible. Wanting to invest in only the things that bring me the most joy and patience and love. I’m ready to knock off all of the excess. I’ve been feeling this way for a while but the universe/ God/ coincidence has been shoving so many things in my face, lately, which are making me feel like we’re going to be taking some legitimate steps towards a more minimalistic livelihood and, frankly, I’m relieved at even the thought alone.

Create is a word that I’ve always loved. The idea of taking nothing, or a pile of scraps, and turning it into something lovely or useful–I have always wanted to. A couple times a week or so, Ryan leaves to go downtown and create things with his band, I Heard a Lion. I am so thrilled that he gets to go and expend some of that creative energy. I have to admit, though, just between you and me, that I’m so jealous of his creative outlet. I’m not musical (unless you count inexplicably knowing every word to every Pink! song that pops up on the radio on my drive to work) but the idea of getting together with other people and working as a team to create something? I’m happy that he and his friends get to work on something so cool and fulfilling together.
I don’t really have that many artistic skills and I tend to keep myself from learning things because of the things that I tell myself. Things like, “You’re too old to learn to be actually good at something” and “Oh, please, you never stick to anything for very long. Don’t start a new hobby that everyone knows you’re going to drop in two weeks.”  But, anyway, I’ve been wanting to learn embroidery and cross-stitch for the past year or so and I’ve been telling myself these rude things the whole time. And I decided to shake those bastards off for once and just buy a few supplies. So I have everything to start learning a few stitches and, you know, maybe I’ll never be really, really good. But what does that even matter? Just do it.

The nurture impulse seems to be with me everywhere I go these days. I feel like I’ve always been an okay friend: reliable, punctual, thoughtful but nurturing, I’m not sure that is very high up on the list of qualities that I naturally posses. Nurturing requires patience and empathy. I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I started keeping plants alive this year? Maybe that sounds trivial but it’s true. I can see when my little plants are feeling thirsty or when they do or don’t need a little more sunlight and I tend to that. And the longer that I’ve had my plants, the more is invested that I keep up with them. Several of the plants on my shelves just started out as little bitty, nearly dying cuttings and now they’re full plants! With root systems and lots and lots of sprouting leaves and healthy bits! And I think that just seeing that I am capable of investing in something, capable of being intuitive and patient–it makes me believe that maybe I am capable of being a nurturing person if I want to be.
I’ve seen empathy grow in my relationships with my friends. Rather than saying, “I’m sorry that happened,” I can feel–oh, so sorry that happened to my friend. I’m learning not to fight so much–but just accept things as they are. If someone is feeling shitty, I’m not going to work so hard to change that feeling. Sometimes we just feel awful about something and that’s okay. It’s not wrong. It just is what it is. And we can change it if we decide to. But we don’t have to.

I’m not sure if I’m aware of what the themes were last year (or if these natural occurrences observe holidays like New Years. Doubtful.) but I have spent/ am spending a lot of time in self-reflection and observation. Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime. But I’m learning that I don’t have to accept the person that I think that I am. I’m only thirty years old–I’m young and I was given this life and body and mind and I can do whatever I want with it. I can become the person that I want to be. I can have clear priorities, work-out my creative muscle, and develop a nurturing nature if that’s what I want. And that’s what I want.

Do you see any life-themes developing around you right now?
Tell me all about it.

xoxo,
lib.