Author: Libby

Virtual Book Club: The Secret Life of Bees and July Selection Announcement!

Libby, , , 2 Comments

Sorry (I ain’t sorr’) to say that this is not a spoiler free review. I guess I figure if a book has been around long enough for the movie version to be past the New Release rack, it’s all fair game.

I’ve sat down to write this review for The Secret Life of Bees so many different times and I just can’t figure out what to say. And it’s not because there’s nothing to say. It’s because how do you put words on that feeling you get when you’re broken open and speechless?

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Continue reading “Virtual Book Club: The Secret Life of Bees and July Selection Announcement!” →

Announcing the #XOXOSummerSelfie challenge!

Libby, , , 4 Comments

“Now maybe there’s a lesson I’ve been given
Or some wisdom from the stories that I need to tell.
And everybody’s hoping and scraping and wishing
They could be something outside themselves.
If I can be me, then you can be yourself.”
Tunde Olaniran

We’re only half way through 2016 and I feel like we’re due for a pick-me-up. I feel like we’re beyond due. World—what are you doing to yourself?

So I think to myself, what’s one thing that almost always perks up my mood? And you know what it is? It’s when I’m feeling bored or feeling sad and I’m scrolling through my Instagram feed and I see a photo of one of my dear friends. Endorphins just start shooting all over the place. It’s magnificent! Don’t you love it? Image(31)

 

Anyway, so how’s about another Selfie Challenge?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I believe in selfies as a form of radical self-love. I think it’s crucial to proper self-development to get used to seeing yourself and sharing yourself. It can sometimes be really brave and it can sometimes be fishing for compliments and sometimes you’re just feeling yourself. And all of those reasons and so many more are very, very okay!

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We did a Selfie Challenge back in February and we had 725 participating photographs on Instagram! My goal is to go for over a thousand this time. Do you think we can make it happen? I mean, the fact that July is longer than February will help. And readership has grown since then (hi new people!!). And you love to share posts on social media and get your friends involved—I see you! So I think a thousand is a perfectly attainable goal. The more the merrier is not only a cliché—it’s also a solid truth. In this instance.

Rules: Starting Friday, July 1st, anyone who wants to contribute can! You don’t have to do it every day—though that IS the challenge of it. You don’t even have to follow the list of themes. You make this into whatever works for you. But in the end, I want our community to come together over celebration of ourselves and each other because that’s the way that we make this weird world a better place to exist.
The only real rule is that you take a photo that contains at least a little bit of yourself in it and then upload that photo to Instagram with the hashtag:
#xoxosummerselfie .

Here’s a calendar that I made with some suggested themes for each day—for those of us who like a little direction.

xoxosummerselfiecal
Save this to your phone and refer back to it every day.

Last time we did this, I left you with a song to get you pumped up for the month ahead of us. Don’t think that I left you song-less this time.

I hope you already know about Tunde Olaniran but just in case you don’t, I give you his mind blowing song, “Namesake” which has become my fight song lately.

“Now maybe there’s a lesson I’ve been given
Or some wisdom from the stories that I need to tell
And everybody’s hoping and scraping and wishing
They could be something outside themselves
If I can be me, then you can be yourself
Might not be easy, it’s like we’re never satisfied
Right?”

See you on Friday!
XOXO, Lib
#xoxosummerselfie

Stories Make Change: Update 1

Libby, , , , , 2 Comments

**trigger warning: sexual assault**

I’m blown away by the response that’s already been received regarding yesterday’s post asking for stories. If you missed that post I really want to ask you to please go back and read it.

But for the TL;DR version:
I want to collect stories from women and men that share, from personal experience, what non-consent has looked like in their lives and the effect that remains. I want to post those stories (anonymously) to keep the conversation going and to change the general consensus of what sexual harm is.

What follows are the stories of non-consent that I’ve already collected, told in their own words. And I’ll update again as often as I can when new stories come in. They can be difficult to take in so I beseech you to utilize self-care in your reading. Check in regularly with your feelings and follow along in a way that is safe for you.

I’m overwhelmed with the way that you all have trusted me with your stories. If you have a story that you want to tell, please use the anonymous form found here or email me: libby (at) xoxolib.com

Continue reading “Stories Make Change: Update 1” →

Stories Make Change

Libby, , , , 3 Comments

**Trigger Warning: A hopeful piece regarding sexual violence and taking a stand against it. But sexual violence nonetheless.**

Update #1

I’ve sat quietly with friends as they’ve told me their stories of sexual assault, harassment, non-consent, and rape. Held their hands, pushed the hair out of their faces, telling them “what can we do to make you feel safe?” and “whatever you choose to do is the right thing and  I’m behind you.” Inside I’m screaming out in agony that yet again, the cavern in my chest widens and swallows up the people that I love. The people that I love who are made to feel unsafe. In their own homes. In their own clothes. In their very own bodies. They’re made to feel unsafe–a price that they have to pay so that some one else can feel big for a day. Tell me how that’s right. Tell me how we’re just supposed to accept that, will you?

According to RAINN, 1 in 6 women will experience an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.

After the Brock Turner case, there’s a fire in my belly. I will not sit quietly and hold hands and nod in agreement feeling, ultimately, helpless. I won’t do it any more. Not one more time.

There’s a lot of talk about how rape is bad. And, I mean, yeah! Who’s going to argue with that? There are too many people in my Twitter and Facebook feeds talking about how easy it is to not rape a person. And especially after the Stanford case, because it was so heinous and because his victim spoke out so bravely, eloquently and admirably and because it fit the standard definition of rape so clearly, it’s easy to say “I’ve never done that and I’ll never do that” and “well, that has certainly never happened to me.”
But I know that some of those same people have had not-exactly-consensual sexual experiences. And that’s where it gets muddy.
I know that in the muddy, grey area, a lot of these people do not consider themselves “rapists” or “rape victims” and I’m not even suggesting that they should. I know that because it is muddy and because it is complicated, a lot of stuff gets ignored or pushed aside or deemed “not that bad”. But, listen. It won’t be ignored. The culture of non-consent is still worth taking on.

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As long as the standard definition of “rape” involves a stranger in a back alley or behind a dumpster or hiding in your closet, usually with a weapon, then we’re all going to think we’re in agreement—we’re all going to ignore the people who have experienced sexual assault in the grey-area. And that grey-area is where most of these instances occur.

I really believe that change won’t occur until we change the definition. And I don’t think one person can do that. It’s going to take a village—a great big one. So I’m begging you to be a part of that village.

What I want to do is this:

I want to show the world what sexual assault and harassment looks like in all of its various forms.

I want to collect stories from women and men that share, from personal experience, what non-consent has looked like in their life and the effect that it has. I want to post those stories (anonymously) to keep the conversation going and to change the general consensus of what sexual harm is.

You can share your story by filling out the form at the bottom of this post or by emailing me: libby (at) xoxolib.com.
You can help by passing this along. The more stories we collect, the more comprehensive we can be, the more education we will spread.

Leave your story here:

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

I want you to know that I honor you and your story and I will treat each one with the sacredness that it deserves. Your experiences didn’t happen in vain. They will be transformed into a teachable moment—causing a ripple effect of education.

Thank you.
XOXO, Lib

Edit Note: Because anonymity is vital with this post, I disabled comments simply as a way to keep things from getting confusing for anyone who wants to share something vulnerable. But I still want to have this conversation with you. Head over to the XOXO, Lib Facebook page and we’ll talk there. Or send me an email.
Thanks to every one who has already shared their stories since this post went live. XOXO

Ask a Photographer: Your questions, answered.

Libby2 Comments

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you already know that my husband and I got pictures taken a few weekends ago. We met up with Kalene, of Blue Muse Photography, and her husband Jason. We walked all over Old Town in Wichita, Kansas and had so much fun! At the end, Kalene was like, “I thought maybe we could climb to the top of this parking garage for some city-scape shots. Do you want to do that?” And I was all, “No, not really!” Truly, I was kind of whiny about it. But I trust her judgement and I know what she’s capable of so we went for it. I dragged my fat ass up those stairs and I’m so grateful because we captured my most favorite shot of the whole session. Here, take a look. Aren’t they all just gorgeous?! I feel like Kalene really saw us the way that we see ourselves and was able to capture that precisely.
Continue reading “Ask a Photographer: Your questions, answered.” →