Author: Libby

What Happens at Planned Parenthood?

Libby, , 2 Comments

Planned Parenthood, at least in my corner of the world, is deeply misunderstood as a veritable abortion factory that claims to exist for women’s health but doesn’t really do much else.  Don’t misunderstand me, I completely honor a person’s right to hate abortion–and that is a service that is provided at a lot of Planned Parenthoods (though not all). I also think that it’s important to know that if our strong convictions are rooted in truth, then they can withstand research, accountability, and honoring the lived-in experiences of others. I believe there’s space for both.

You know that I believe more than anything that stories make change. Facts and figures are crucial and important to understanding an issue. Also, I believe that our hearts are changed and moved when we hear about the lives of others. Because of that, I’m going to share with you the stories of five women that I know and their experiences with Planned Parenthood. Take a listen:

I went at 20 for my first pregnancy to get a pregnancy confirmation to be able to get on Medicaid. They were super friendly. I felt CRAZY self conscious walking in there knowing their reputation in my circle at the time. The biggest thing I remember is how surprised the lady helping was when I expressed happiness about my pregnancy. That didn’t seem to be her norm (she said as much). I think I made her day. They were great and I wouldn’t hesitate to go back. I was treated with dignity there, I wasn’t lectured, I wasn’t spoken down to. This has NOT been my experience at the health department when I have gone there for subsequent pregnancies. –Mary-Dawn

Planned parenthood and I are old friends. I went there to get birth control for the first time. After I was raped, I had an abortion. I was tested for STDs. I went there for family planning after I got married to protect my marriage and my life from unplanned pregnancy. The doctors and nurses and volunteers I met saved my life more than once. They educated me and reminded me of my right to be educated and aware about my body and my sexuality. They comforted me through what have, so far been the most trying times of my young adult life. I went in young and afraid and alone and I came out a confident, educated, prepared adult. I trusted planned parenthood with my life and they proved me right. They continue to show me that I did the right thing. I will fight for them the way that they fought for me.  -Kristin

I was in my early 20s, unemployed and without health insurance. There is a history of breast cancer in my family, so when I thought I had found a lump, I was terrified. I knew I couldn’t afford a doctor’s visit, so I started looking into options. Planned Parenthood was my best choice. I was still a part of the world of Christian fundamentalism and was so scared going into the clinic. I prayed I wouldn’t see anyone that I knew outside protesting (as pro-life protests often happened there) for fear of their assumptions. Thankfully I didn’t. I got a quick manual exam and they decided to refer me for a mammogram. They didn’t cover the cost of that (my PP visit was free though) but put me in touch with a partner organization who would pay; I just had to submit a bill. The staff at PP wrote the referral and made the appointment with a specialist, but that was the extent of their involvement. Still, as someone who was young and scared, I was thankful to have someone guiding me through the process. -Elena

I was having pain in my pelvis and since I just recently moved to Cincinnati, I didn’t have a gynecologist to call up. I decided to go to Planned Parenthood because the only other option I saw was to go to the emergency room or urgent care. When I got to Planned Parenthood,I was seen by a midwife named Gwynn. She did a thorough examination, complete with my pregnancy history. When she discovered that I had two miscarriages in the last year (which is not the reason I had made the appointment) and she told me that she was sad that I hadn’t reached out for medical support for the most recent miscarriage. You could tell that babies and birth were her passion. After discovering that I had a cyst on my ovary, she referred me to a doctor who would focus on my infertility struggles and would also be able to treat and diagnose my cysts. I had an INCREDIBLY positive experience at that time.
My second experience with Planned Parenthood was when they were calling for volunteers to canvas the neighborhoods on Election Day to offer rides to people who were unable to get out and vote. We weren’t asking people to vote republican or democrat. We were simply asking them to VOTE! I went with my son and we were teamed up with a Planned Parenthood employee and it was a wonderful experience for my son and I.  -Sarah

When I moved to my small, Western Kansas town, I didn’t have health insurance, and my husband and I were so broke, I couldn’t imagine getting pregnant. I looked for a PP, and found one in Hays. The PA there was amazing. Everyone was so friendly and helpful, and I got my birth control prescription for cheap. I continued to go there even after I had insurance because I liked her so much. She came to recognize me, and when I decided to start to try and have children, she recommended me to an OB. I noticed a year later that my PP was shut down, and six months after that a Catholic Charities had taken its place. I wonder where young women out here can get exams and birth control now without going to the hospital. I wonder where they go when they need help. My PP made me feel like I was taken care of, and I still wonder how on earth they could get shut down in an area they were so desperately needed. -Alyssa

Are you hearing these things?
Everyone was so helpful; I was so young and scared; we were so broke; my visit was free; they referred me; babies and birth were her passion.
“I went in young and afraid and alone and I came out a confident, educated, prepared adult.”

I just put out a quick call on Facebook asking friends to send me their stories and a few did. This is every story that I received in just a few hours’ time. I didn’t hunt and find the best or most flattering ones–this is it. I’ll bet that if you asked the same question, you’ll receive similar stories.

Yes, you can get care in a doctor’s office, if you can afford it. Yes, you can get inexpensive care at the local health department, if it’s a place that you feel safe and cared for. Also, yes, you can go to Planned Parenthood, too. You deserve quality care and you deserve options. It is an option. It is an option that is fighting hard to continue to serve the underserved in your community.

In honor of these women (who were brave to share these stories at a time when the internet is particularly hostile), and for other women and men (yes, men use Planned Parenthood, too) like them who desperately need healthcare and can’t afford it, I make contributions to Planned Parenthood and if you feel so inclined, I hope that you do, too. Your gift will be shared equally between your local Planned Parenthood affiliate and Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

I welcome your comments, but I ask that you honor the real human beings that wrote these stories, today. You’re always wonderful, though, so I know there’s nothing to worry about.

XOXO, Lib

Virtual Book Club: The Secret Life of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore

Libby, , , , , , 2 Comments

I know I’ve told you about our Facebook Virtual Book Club group before, right? Things are slowly but surely getting more and more interactive over there. Starting with the fact that this was the first month we were ever able to take a poll to decide which book we should read! We took another poll recently and if you make it to the end of this post, you’ll see what the group’s decided to read next. In addition, we also held a virtual book club meeting last night! A few of us all got on Facebook at the same time (which is difficult when the group is split in half by a two hour time difference) and discussed. It was a lot of fun to have people to unpack this with and I hope you join us next month. As always, if you want to be a part just let me know and I’ll add you!

img_1850

At first sight The Secret History of Wonder Woman looks like a really fun, light read. My copy was well over 400 pages—which was very intimidating to me as I’m a pretty slow reader. I was encouraged, though, by the fact that the back 1/3 of the book was source material in addition to the plethora of photographs and cartoons littered on every other page (there’s also a large section of color pieces in the middle—which was terribly interesting to get into). So while by all intents and purposes it looks easy—the literature most certainly was not. This book had facts on facts on facts. I feel like Lepore laid out the material as straightforward as she possibly could but this story was just… complex. She did an incredible job of knowing exactly what to do with the material before her.

While this is called The Secret History of Wonder Woman, I feel like it should have been called The Secret History of William Marston (though I can’t imagine that selling as many copies). William Marston was the creator of Wonder Woman (he was also a lawyer, a professor, the creator of the lie detector test, among so many other things). The book starts with his birth, goes through college, all of his many jobs, and goes on past his death. It also goes into the many women that Marston surrounded himself with throughout his life.

He met his first wife, Sadie Holloway, when they were of middle-school age. They married when they were both in law school. Sadie was an ardent feminist and Marston truly believed that the world should, and one day would, be run by women. Sadie knew that she wanted to have a career—something completely unheard of for a married woman during the turn of the 20th century. She also knew that she wanted to have kids as well. And when Marston approached her about opening up their marriage to bring in Olive Byrne (who just so happened to be the niece of Margret Sanger) as well—Sadie seized her opportunity. For the remainder of their lives together, Sadie was the primary breadwinner for the whole family while Olive raised the children. Though the “why” was rarely discussed, it seems that Marston was unable to keep a job for more than a year at a time. That is, until Wonder Woman came into his life.

I won’t go further into the details of the book because I’m finding (as I’m sure Jill Lepore did) that you really can’t get too far in without going all the way in and I just don’t have time to write 400 pages. Suffice it to say that when you pick up this book you’re also getting a primer on first wave feminism. You’ll learn a lot about Margaret Sanger and her sister who both went to prison simply for telling other women that there were things one could do in order to avoid another pregnancy (in the judge’s ruling he proclaimed that if a woman wasn’t willing to die in childbirth she should simply never have sex).

sangertrial
I found this recounting particularly heartbreaking.

You’ll see the parts of Marston’s life that popped up time and time again as themes throughout Wonder Woman. You’ll get to see how a unique (and illegal) family structure managed to raise a happy family despite the secrets that they were forced to keep. And you’ll see how many ways a person’s life can twist, turn, and change before finally finding what it feels like you were meant to do.

Despite its size, I found this book to be a real page turner. Every chapter was truly fascinating—and I’m usually not a non-fiction reader at all. I find them boring. I’d rather get my lessons in the form of a TedTalk or a documentary but this managed to hold my attention and make me constantly say to myself, “wait, whaaaat??”

All that to say if you find any one of the following topics even vaguely interesting, you’ll probably do yourself a favor by picking up this book: early feminism, lie detectors, 20th century politics, polygamy, artists and illustrators, plural families, and there’s a little bit about comic books, too.

img_1849

41ifkvagj0l-_sx321_bo1204203200_
Since February is a short month (and because we just finished a mammoth of a book and we deserve a break) we decided to go with a shorter read. The book the group decided on was Heartburn by Nora Ephron (it’s less than 200 pages). I’ve never read anything by Nora Ephron but I adore her movies and I’m very excited to get started on this one!

What do you think? Have you read any non-fiction books that turned out to be far more than you were bargaining for when you first started?
Have you read anything by Nora Ephron? Let me know what you thought in the comments!

XOXO, Libby

Save

10/100: Postcards

Libby, , , , 2 Comments

The Women’s March on Washington was not without its faults–that’s for sure. This event was thrown together over the course of 11 weeks. It grew from an idea to a whole, living, growing movement and that’s awesome. But do you know what my favorite part of the march is? The fact that this march didn’t represent one movement. You look out into the crowds and you don’t see all one type of sign. It’s not all about reproductive rights or all about the wage gap. It’s not even all about women’s rights specifically. There were people there standing in for refugees, LGBTQ+ people, there were signs about safe water, people wearing Black Lives Matter t-shirts, people chanting about saving our education system, there were thousands and thousands of people scattered around and I promise that they didn’t all agree on everything. They didn’t even agree on what was the most important issue that brought them all together. But they were there and they were cool with each other because that’s what support is. This wasn’t an anti-Trump rally, it was a gathering under the banner of justice. And I’m down with that.

image72image71image75

My other favorite part is that it’s that it’s not done. It’s not a matter of a bunch of women standing out in the cold and feeling good about themselves and then going home. We have work to do and we’re going to do it. Every ten days, the organizers of the Women’s March will release a new action for us to take–with detailed instructions. A group of us in town have committed to meeting together to take these actions. What I like about this is that it will instill a spirit of habit–we’ll make a habit of speaking up and staying informed and energized. When the 100 days are over, we’ll still have this habit in us to keep going.

This time we wrote postcards. We got together and said things like, “What on earth can we say that will just fit on a post card?” Some people wrote about the Affordable Health Care act, asking our Senators to please come up with a replacement before repealing. Some people asked for things and others just said, “here’s what I’m fighting for.” I told Pat Roberts and Jerry Moran about my friends–my gay friends who have to hurry to get married now and hope that it stays legal.  My immigrant friends who live under the radar. My friends from Muslim families who have been targeted, attacked, denied, and live in fear of what’s around the corner. I told them about my disabled friends who need these government programs to survive and thrive and I told them that I will always stand up for these people and I’ll never back down. I told them that maybe I didn’t vote for them in the past but truth be told I’ll vote for anyone who listens to me. And that’s true.

img_1892image77image78

Update: I stopped writing this post to go make dinner and start a loaf of bread in the bread machine. A few hours later, I got back to my computer and logged into Facebook only to see that protests are spontaneously breaking out around the country at international airports to rise up against Donald Trump’s Muslim ban. Right now I’m streaming the live feed from the Washington Post. As I’m typing, I’m listening to the chants:
“Hey hey! Ho ho! Islamaphobia’s got to go!”
“Show me what America looks like! This is what America looks like!”
“No hate! No fear! Refugees are welcome here!”
“Yes! We can! Say ‘no’ to the Muslim ban!”
“Love! Not hate! Makes America great!”
And every time a new fleet of people comes in off a plane–looking thrilled and confused, the whole crowd cheers with applause! God, it’s beautiful. I haven’t claimed to know much about Jesus in a long time but going by what I’ve heard about him in the past, I think he’d be here to help welcome these people who were probably apprehensive to step off these planes.

Look, I’m not going to have a firm hold on every single issue that pulls at my heart. It’s not healthy and you really can’t give of yourself in every single direction. You have to choose a few that you can really give towards. But I’m here for my Muslim brothers and sisters all day.

50734754416__010b3ab0-a0c3-4a9b-9918-3cb038894974

 

Say it loud! Say it clear! Muslims are welcome here!
Say it loud! Say it clear! Muslims are welcome here!

Our world is changing and we get to watch. Better yet–we get to have a hand in it. I don’t know what I’m doing, really. I’m just standing up when I can. Pitching in when I can. Watching and sharing and telling when I can. Trying not to be too scared. Putting one foot in front of the other and I hope you do it, too.

XOXO, Lib

PS And just as I was finishing this post, it was announced that a federal judge blocked Trump’s immigration order. It was signed 3 minutes ago. I mean, who knows how long it will last but it’s a step in the right direction and it deserves to be celebrated. History is now, my friends. Wow. We’re in it.

Announcing the 2017 #xoxoselfiechallenge!

Libby, , , 1 Comment

I have heard the cries of my people and I’m here to give you what you asked for! This time last year we were gearing up for a Selfie Challenge. I’d conceived of it a night or two before the launch and it was very thrown together. But it was a lot of fun! I think most of the joy came from injecting fun and community into, arguably, one of the coldest and most desolate months of winter. Also it’s so exciting to see your face on the regular!

Last February, our selfie challenge focused on self acceptance and love. On our hashtag, #xoxoselfiechallenge we got over 700 tagged photos and dozens and dozens of participants. I heard back from many of you who said that you had learned so much about yourself along the way. That kind of feedback makes my heart swell! I love you all so much. You know that, right?

img_1815

This time the challenge is different. It’s bigger and better than ever. For starters—we have a few sponsors! That means that at the end of each week, we have stuff to giveaway! This excites me because I’ve wanted to lavish you with gifts for so long.

Another way that this challenge is different is our focus. Self Care is the name of the game this go-round. Now, I know what you’re thinking but there’s so much more to self-care than taking bubble baths and letting yourself eat more chocolate than you normally would. Through the course of February, we’re going to explore 28 different methods of self-care. Some of them are of the treat-yo-self variety, sure. Other prompts focus on stretching your creativity, caring for others, or setting Future You up for success! I had so much fun doing research and selecting prompts that gave you room to use your imagination.

So because this isn’t necessarily about “selfies”, you certainly don’t have to find creative ways to get your face into every single one of these photos (although I do want to see your face because that ish just lights me up). Think of it more as a Caring For Your Self(ie) Challenge. At the end of the month, we’ll re-group and talk about the different self-care techniques that you felt like really fed you and some others that were more difficult to get through. This is all about self-exploration, getting to know what works for you, and what it looks like when things are really clicking.

What do you think? Are you in? Cool. Do you want to invite a friend along on the journey? That’s awesome. The more, the merrier!

How to participate:

The entire challenge and all giveaways will take place on Instagram. Make sure that you’re following @realxoxolib to ensure that you won’t miss anything. I’ll give you updates as time draws closer and that’s where you’ll find out about how to participate in giveaways as well.

Every day (or as often as is reasonable), you’ll take a photo that correlates with that day’s prompt and hashtag it with #xoxoselfiechallenge. Then make sure you surf through the hashtag, meet everyone else, and see what they’re up to!

My hope is that this shared experience helps to foster an even deeper sense of community among XOXO readers. You’re all so loyal and wonderful and I’m lucky to have you—I just want you all to know one another, too!

9ce24a2eec33a0f7cbd25793c04c3276

So if you’re seeing this now, post ^^this graphic^^ to your Instagram account, tag it with #xoxoselfie challenge and let your friends know that you’ll be participating! Invite them along with us! I think we’ll have a blast.

If you have questions, leave them in the comments and I promise to get back with you!

Thank you for being awesome!
XOXO, Lib

Peacekeeping/ Peacemaking: Neither is Likely on Facebook

Libby, , 1 Comment

I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer interested in playing the role of the peacekeeper. Instead, I choose a more active position—that of peacemaker.

The peacekeeper flits about, doing all she can to make sure that things are fine and happy on the surface level. No one gets too ruffled. No one raises too much of a fuss. She’s an expert at anticipating the needs of another person who can not be bothered to recognize all the work she’s putting in to keep the waters still. Running herself ragged to make sure that someone else doesn’t run themselves at all. We ignore anything marginally uncomfortable by means of either distraction or denial and in that, we perpetuate this very calm, very idealized façade. An overturned couch cushion to hide a stain. A closet stuffed with mess that we couldn’t possibly let company see—building up and building up until it becomes more than we can handle on our own and we drown in it.

rumpus

Peacemakers, on the other hand, we’re going to pull everything out of that closet and get to the bottom of it. It’s going to be messy for a while until it’s all been dealt with properly but once it’s organized, all it requires is a commitment to dealing with each little mess as it comes. We will do the hard work in the immediate, knowing that we’re paying tomorrow’s bill. Hear me! We might make a mess! But it will pay off! That is why I am choosing peacemaker.

I am neither, at times, and I am also both. Choosing the peacemaker role will never come as naturally to me but I will commit to doing it as often as I recognize that I have a choice in the matter.

As peacemakers, we have a duty to create peace in the lives of ourselves and others. The act of creating peace can be quite messy but it can also be quite simple. Sometimes it means speaking up for a co-worker whose voice has been spoken over several times. Sometimes it means taking to the streets—turning out in record numbers to let the new man in power know that there are things he has promised that we’ll fight tooth and nail against. You have to fight to keep peace. I know, it sounds like a double-negative but when you think of who currently holds the peace and who is literally dying for it, it’s easier to understand.

Remember back in time with me a little bit: after the election, the internet was a frustrating place to be. Do you remember what it was like? It was hard to spend much time on Facebook without feeling disheartened. I spent a few days just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling—looking for something that would explain to me what I was feeling and why. I think we all know that if you’re looking for what’s in your soul, Facebook is a terrible place to hunt for it.

But the election passed and we all gradually came back after our hiatuses and kept sharing cat videos or photos of baby animals wrapped up like burritos to one another.

FRANCE-US-POLITICS-WOMEN-DEMO
Paris Women’s March Photo: The New York Times

And then it was the inauguration—quickly followed by the Women’s March. I mostly didn’t have anything to say about the inauguration so I didn’t. But the Women’s March made my heart swell! I was filled with all this pride! The speakers! The record numbers! The way that the whole world stood together to say, “See us? We’re going to hold this new administration accountable to caring for everyone.” I was floating on Feminist Cloud Nine!
But shock of all shocks… I felt my Facebook interactions beginning to mimic those that I was having around the time of the election, again. Facebook wasn’t safe and fun anymore. While this likely surprised no one else, this shocked me. To put it in the most childlike terms: before, my team lost. And that’s why I thought that I was upset on the internet. This time my team did something awesome and I was still upset on the internet. It seems that the common denominator was, in fact, me on the internet.

I did a much better job, this time. I chose not to comment far more often than I actually did. And when I did comment, I was usually very careful with my words (except for a time or two when I ended up deleting things I’d said). I am not apologetic about the way I behaved on the internet. Even still, after these precautions were taken, I still found myself totally unsatisfied and just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, searching for something to make my soul feel better. And of course, we all know I didn’t find it. Because the thing that feeds my soul is not on the internet. It’s not in making people agree with me. And then I remembered something super important: Facebook is a voluntary activity.

It’s almost impossible to be a peacemaker on Facebook. I think it’s a great tool to use to help organize but as far as enacting change? The comment section of a tired meme is quite useless for that.

emerson

Most conversations in that space are all about trying to get someone to agree with you if they don’t already. And if they already do, a lot of the time it’s just patting ourselves on the back about how right we are. I think I’d rather talk to people in person. Don’t you? In person, I don’t know what a person’s political affiliations are because rarely does anyone have a photo of an eagle carrying a machine gun under the American flag instead of a face. I don’t care if they agree with my excitement over the women’s march. I just want to talk about books with that person—or swap recipes—or ask how their day is. In person when I disagree with someone I find myself much more eager to find out where they’re coming from. I feel like they hear me, too. In person, people almost never call one another mean names when there’s a minor misunderstanding. In person, people are a lot more forgiving and graceful.

In person, you can be the peacemaker.

XOXO, Lib

PS: If you’re interested in the concept of Peacemaker VS Peacekeeper, you might also be interested in this post I happened upon the other day called Nice Girls VS Kind Women.